Happy October 1st y’all! I figured we’d start this month off right with a new blog! 🍁
So, let me ask you something.. are you done having kids? If so, when did you know? How did you know? Is there like a little timer that goes off in your uterus that says, “DING! You’re done. Your stomach is no longer needed to bring little humans into the world.”
Well, for me. I didn’t hear the timer go off, but I did hold my third child in the delivery room and feel completed. I looked at him and knew that my heart was full. I felt content knowing that he was the last human I was going to bring into the world.
I had a rough pregnancy the first go around. Bed rest, leaking fluid, preterm labor… FOUR TIMES.. yes, I know, why did I have more after that? But I didn’t feel done, I knew I was meant to mother more than one child. It’s not that I didn’t love him enough, it’s not that I wasn’t happy with just one blessing, I just knew in my heart that my purpose was to raise more than one of these things. I was meant to use my big heart and guide and love multiple children.
So I had a second. This time it was a girl. I won’t lie, I was a little sad I had a girl, because I knew that I was in for it. I knew that a girl was going to turn my hair gray at age 30. I knew she was going to be a miniature me, but times like 100.
Getting pregnant was tough this time, it took about 8 months, lots of feelings of defeat and sadness when that test would come back negative.
But when I finally did get a positive test and I finally was pregnant..
Her pregnancy was perfect. I mean if you could ask for the perfect pregnancy with no sickness, beautiful skin, glowing from every part of your body and have enough energy to climb a mountain (which I did by the way), this was it. By the time I hit 40 weeks I asked my doctor if he was sure I was done. Was it REALLY over? I felt like I could stay pregnant for a few more months. But nope; it was really over, I was getting induced with my second child.
Again, I held her and knew my journey wasn’t over. You know that thing people talk about, “baby fever?” Well, it’s a real thing. It’s tough. You crave a baby’s scent. You miss the wrinkly skin that curls up on your chest and falls asleep. You miss those smiles they give you the minute you look at them. It’s addicting. Yes, babies are an addiction and it needs to be stopped. Just kidding. You can stop whenever you’re ready!
So we had a third. This time the pregnancy was terrible. At the time we conceived I had been diagnosed with severe anxiety. Unable to take medication because I was pregnant, I dealt with the symptoms on my own. Those 9 months were excruciating. I honestly don’t know how I made it to full term. But I did. I delivered a beautiful, healthy, baby boy. I held him in the delivery room and felt full. I felt like I completed what I was meant to do. I was meant to be a mother to three children, a boy, Cameron. A girl, Giana. & another boy, Landon.
When all three of my kids were together for the first time I will never forget what I felt. I felt completed. I felt like they felt completed. I felt like my heart was equally split three ways and this was it for me. I FELT done.
A timer may not go off in your uterus, things may not happen as you want them to, but what you are meant to do will come to light at some point. At some point, you’ll feel content. You’ll feel happy with how things turned out. ❤️